if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
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I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
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i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
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