I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
