dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
this must be what syphilis tastes like
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
