i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
