I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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