Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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