when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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