I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
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Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
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She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
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