I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
