i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
Randomize
