there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Randomize
