he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
