she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize
