Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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