life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
Randomize
