my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
Randomize
