I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
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