So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
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