TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
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