my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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