im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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