Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
