No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
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