1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Success! We fucked roommates!
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
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