Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
