your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
