haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Randomize
