I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
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