someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Randomize