You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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