I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize
