anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
I party with great urgency now.
Randomize
