Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
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