Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
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