Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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