he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Randomize
