It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
