totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
