Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Randomize
