I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
Just puked most of my soul out..
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
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