I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
