You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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