I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now Heβs Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip πππ
Your skills amaze me
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