If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
