My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
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