I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
meet me or not, i'm out of control
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Randomize
