Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
