i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
She's like a pop up book from hell.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
MIDGETS
????
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
Randomize
