So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
