The answer is no. Its an illegal search n seizure!
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
Randomize
