I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize
