you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
im drinking this country out of the recession.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
