She announced her abortion via fbk
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
and you fell through a lawn chair
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
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