I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
