Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Randomize
