So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Randomize
