If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
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