I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
