She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
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