I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
