there's paper in my vomit.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
