Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
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