if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
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