Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
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