Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
