Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
The struggles of a small town man whore
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Randomize
