oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
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