shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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