my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Randomize
