I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
I booty called her while she was in labor.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Randomize
