im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Randomize
