As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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