thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
Randomize
