i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
