FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Randomize
