I think scott just propositioned me for sex
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Randomize
