You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Randomize
