Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
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She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
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Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
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