I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
