dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
I just saw a hot homeless man
I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
