I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
