seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
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