Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Randomize
